Starving at the Summit: No Brains Pop-Art Zombie T-Shirt

DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C. — In a harrowing development that has shocked absolutely no one in the electorate, a member of the undead community was spotted exiting 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue earlier today, looking visibly emaciated and disappointed. This exclusive pop-art print captures the tragic moment the poor ghoul realized that despite searching the West Wing, the Cabinet Room, and the Congressional cloakrooms, there wasn't a single scrap of edible gray matter to be found. Designed for the discerning cynic, the disenfranchised voter, or anyone who has ever watched C-SPAN and thought, "Surely, nobody is driving the car," this T-shirt is the ultimate bipartisan statement. Whether you lean left, right, or violently away from the television, this retro-comic style illustration offers a vibrant, high-contrast aesthetic that screams, "I support the zombie apocalypse because at least they have a clear agenda." Rendered in the bold, dot-matrix style of mid-century comics (a time when politicians at least had the decency to hide their incompetence), this shirt is perfect for rallies, family thanksgiving arguments, or casual Fridays at the end of the world. It features durable fabric capable of withstanding the sweat of existential dread and the tears of laughter. THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE FACT: Did you know? The White House complex includes a subterranean emergency operations center (PEOC) capable of withstanding a nuclear blast. However, strictly factual records indicate that the Secret Service code name for the presidential limousine is "The Beast," which is ironic, as beasts generally possess survival instincts, whereas the average frantic spin-doctor inside the Beltway possesses only the instinct to blame the previous administration for the weather. Why Buy This? Historical Accuracy: Depicts the only known instance of a creature leaving Washington hungrier than when they arrived. Visual Pop: High-quality pop-art aesthetics that distract from the crumbling state of the republic. Universal Appeal: Ideal for libertarians, anarchists, and disappointed optimists alike. Add this to your cart today. It’s the only way to prove you have brains, even if the leadership doesn't.